A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

Dark secrets creep in the night

While others are fast asleep

Thinking no-one knows

For if they did, some would oppose

When lust gets the best of you and takes a huge bite out of your backside. It’s actually not until when you discover his distrust after realizing how long the cheese line is for his love; located at the neighborhood corner “Candy Shop”.  How low will you go after how loud the volume becomes once the little voice in your head tells you, “He’s no good” but you ignored it, stood in line, and slept with him anyway as you continue to foolishly wait your turn to pick up any crumb or morsel he may toss your way?

A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

The label on the substandard bottle  🍼  read low quality poison, but you injected the needle into your veins just the same. How eye candy 🍭  blurs the vision leaving the chin of false hope exposed for the knock out punch 🤛 in a third-rate ring . There’s something appealing  about the mighty and devastating combination of the one, two sequence from the right hand that never sees the over hand left with an uppercut to follow.  How London Bridge falls down and the cartoon like planets, stars and birds circle your head. As you stumble to pick up your pride while laying on the cold canvas in a puddle of 💦 water 💦, you instantly find yourself on your knees scrambling to place back the mouthpiece that was knocked out your mouth. The glaring lights impair and underline your glossy eyed stupor. You instantly become the proverbial deer 🦌 in headlights as you attempt to shake that odd feeling and try to focus. 

Your head is in a bubble as time moves slower then usual. You hear the  faint standing 8 count in the distance along with reluctant cheers which began to crescendo. Meanwhile, people too mean to lie stood around shaking their head in disappointment, pointing their finger and laughing 😂. Everything turns black for a moment. You were on the canvas for so long your grandmother could’ve knit you a sweater.  You manage to get to your feet, but it’s too late.

Shortly after, the bell 🔔 ring, you discover your launch party was immediately over soon after you blew him. It wasn’t a coincidence he didn’t even offer you a napkin or nut rag to wipe that shit off from the side of your face. Aww, to bad, so sad, you didn’t get a chance to strut your stuff and do that dance to your favorite song.

Meanwhile, someone else holds the belt over their head for all to see. You recall seeing another woman with a familiar coach bag walking in the opposite direction. “I have that same bag” you said to yourself.  Meanwhile, very thing has become a little blurry and you’re feeling a little light headed and dizzy.  All that’s left after the smoke 💨  clears in your glorious moment is a pack of breath mints, food stamps, section 8 housing and a good looking child which only remind you of, “Him”.  Let the story of shame and the games some of us play, begin. So, I’ll ask you this one question. Do you know me?

A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

I’m the gremlin from hell; a piece of shit with a nice tattoo. I’ll harvest a hornet’s nest of sorrow and pain in your mind and I will not have any mercy on your soul. Yes, girlfriend I’m a liar, a cheat and I steal but give me some credit. I’m witty with it and I’m the panacea to your sudden lost for lust and passion. It’s all within the organize crime family and playboy manual. I lie to you to gain your trust quickly because there’s no time to waste. You know the drill, stick and move. Like a thief in the night I need to be in and out as quickly and in a jiffy as possible. No time for pampering or cuddling. Besides, who does that? It not that kind of party.  Especially, not with a rube like you. I have a image to uphold.

Look, I get inside your mind with the dumbest schoolyard nursery rhyme of all time and you lap it up like a stray pup in search of a bowl of warm milk. On the real, I must maintain my swag. I’ll never be loyal to you. Trust me when I tell you. I’m cheating on you right now, but I don’t view it as cheating because I’m willy nilly with it. Meaning, it’s a single mans privilege. Get it? It has a popular mind of its own. The ultimate goal is to steal your heart, revolutionize your mind and ravish your body before I move on to the next red dot. Excuse me, did you say something? Oh, I didn’t think so…

I’m a diva who lives on a one-way street to nowhere.  I don’t do lectures so save your hot air for someone who cares. Look, I already know I’m trifling but it sure feels good laying up in your bed while you’re at work. Let me twist this leaf and blaze this blunt first before I holla at you. (Inhales) Really though. Lol, who’s the fool? (Exhales) You know how I get down and you know how I roll. Do you know me? Let me reintroduce myself. I’m full of potential which only means; nothing is happening right now.  But, I’m trying real hard to get with you because, after all, you got it going on. Meanwhile, Its been two months and I’m still waiting for a call back for a job interview. Damn, turn around. From behind you seem to have a bright future. However, that hot & spicy 🌶 onion roll of yours says, it all.

Such amazing soup coolers you have my dear. Lips like grade A suction cups. I have plans for me and you.  Sweet hallelujah. Hair flowin’, blowin’ in the air. Toe’s glowin’ too. Skin tight. You must be related to spice. Smellin’ like alpine white. Sweet sexy chocolate. Uh!, Jeans faded, so tight they look like they’ve been painted on your body. Look at you girl, ballin’ and postin’ hard in the paint. Dunkin’ Donuts on everybody. You keep the race tight like a marathon in Sierra Leone. If you play your cards right I’d just might make you my wife. Sike! You’re cute but not cute enough. Besides, I already have a dog 🐶 (Ruff).

That’s right, you do know me. Follow the trail of blood under the bridge and dare to enter my naughty game of thorns. I’m that fine brutha equip with a golden tongue and a hidden agenda. Trust me, I walk with protection, now. I prefer casual sex with little to no commitment. I can’t have any strings attached. It would only leave holes in my shirt. That would only make me feel like a caged puppet. I only do relationships when I have to.  Just so you know, I live at home with my mother so don’t judge me. Let god do that. I have my own ride but she pays for the insurance. I drive mom-dukes car when mine is out of gas or in the shop. You feel me? I eat her food and I run up her cable bill ordering shit. I kill the electric, gas and phone bill but you know how I do. I got that prepaid though. Call me after 9:00pm. You heard? I’ll pay her back as soon as I can scrape up the money, maybe. No worries babe.

But I’m sayin’ though. So what if I like to play video games. I’m home right? I mean, it ain’t like I’m running in the streets. Look, I work hard all day chatting online and watchin’ booty twerks gone wild on worldstarhiphop.com.  You remember how you met me right? I’m on your buddy list. I.M. me. I’m that guy you can’t wait to show me off to your girlfriends. Little do you know I’ll sleep with them as soon as you turn your back or start acting funny. Which ever comes first. Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I’m laughing at you. Trust me, that’s my word.

Holla at your boy, Ma! I’m the catch of the day and you would be a fool to throw me away. Muah! I love you boo. Listen, why you be trippin’? I don’t know nothing about any lip-gloss and I don’t be drivin’ no other girl in your ride. Shit gets a little foggy and cacophony when your lips and tongue be moving and flappin’ so fast. Bring it down a thousand. I don’t be hearing anything when you’re like that. You need to stop hangin’ out with your no man having, hot dog water smelling girlfriend, Keisha. Don’t let nobody come between us.  Can I get the car keys real quick?

A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

Hold up. Did I mention that I don’t pay rent cause I’m saving up for some rims and some brand new pair of Tims? Why you asking about if I got any kids? Do you plan to help me with them? Or are you trying to figure out how much money is not coming into your household? I mean…

What I meant to say, I did mention my kids? Yeah, that’s it. Baby girl, I got those but don’t worry cause you’ll never see them. You’ll never see them because I don’t see them. Because when I look 👀  at them they remind me of their mother and another failed relationship. I’m not a Momma’s boy but I do have some rules. There’s three other women ahead of you and you’ll have to respect my stance. There’s my grandmother, my mother and my daughter. They are my lifeline and my priority. You come after them. So respect the order. Real quick, not to change the subject, so you already know I’ll be staying forever with the baby momma drama, and you’ll understand why I don’t have any money to take you out. I mean, you know why babe, right?  Child support. Lol. I mean, I would if I could. You feel meh?

Damn, I can’t believe they take out money when you’re on unemployment, but you’ll still love me anyway, won’t you? Give Daddy a kiss. Muah! “A WET ONE.” It’s just me and you boo against the world. You be my Bonnie and I’ll by your Clyde. You be my partner in crime as we paint this town in slime.  Together we’re gonna get through this and overcome all obstacles. We can do this, so stay true to this.

Do you know me? I’m the guy your parents and friends warned you about, but you didn’t hear them. You should’ve listened to them. Their advise to you was, priceless. As you can see, I’m fine and I look better than you. I’m so handsome you have to deal with all of my shit because the line is long to get to my love, and guess what, I know it. Hey, a relationship is 50/50 not 100/100 cause I gotta hold back 50 just in case you be actin’ funny and I have to break out. (Cloud bubble to self… Neva give a chick your last especially if she steps out of pocket).

A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

Hey Ma! How you doing? I know you’re looking for that NFL package and lifestyle. But i’m that  unclear grainy and shallow type of a guy you love to fall in love with and hate to lose, just because I look good and I throw it down very well in the bedroom. That’s what we, Pookies & Ray-Ray do. I may not bring much to the table but I know you will jump over 10 good men to get to me. I’ll jump over two flat chested, no butt having, sorry to be you type of women for some double D’s and a flavorful big ole fruitylicous bubble butt.

It’s not complicated. All I need is a heartbeat. A dude has to live, babe. Look ma no hands. I normally don’t do cute. I don’t need any competition in the mirror or in the bathroom. I hate a woman that stays in the shower longer than me. There’s no need to recreate the wheel, here. It’s simple. The darker the better. It takes a special kind of darkness to see the stars. That’s why I like’em ugly. Low self esteem kind of ugly. You know the ones that always doubt themselves and look at the ground when they talk. They just happy I come home. All I have to do is spin her, bend her and get all up in her and they happier than two pigs in a blanket. I can tell an ugly woman, “I going to the moon” and she’ll give me enough money to get there and back. Plus, she’ll have a dinner plate sitting in the microwave when I get back. Can’t do that with a chick who thinks, she’s cute.

Did I mention that I’m tall and muscular? That’s right. You know me. I got that good hair, good skin and we are going to make some fine babies. Did I mention I have a deep dimple plus I got them crazy waves in my hair for days? They be spinning baby. Keep your surfboard on deck and be ready to catch the wave.  So, hold on tight cause I’m gonna make your body feel right. Make your shit sing a sweet symphony, girl. Look 👀 Ma, no hands. Just know the ride will get a little rough every now and again. You can synchronize your Kate Spade to it, When I’m bored 😐 I’ll flip you over and do anal. Feel the bee sting as I conjure up my little special mojo I got for ya. Please excuse me love, that was a flashback I had from when I was on vacation up at the local country county men’s club.

Yeah, that was the time when I enjoyed bending guys over just to see their eyes pop out of socket and to hear them squeal as they feel my resentment. They would later get to go home and walk around the hood like nothing happened. I wanted to see just how fast they can make me my grill cheese sandwich. I’d make them drop down and give me 20 licks, slurps real slow. I need sound effect in my dreams. Oh, where was I? Sorry, babes. I be havin’ flashbacks. Just so you know, flashbacks are real. Do you know how to make grill cheese? Please forgive me. You still like my tattoos though, right? Yep, but anyway, we’re going to have fun making those babies too.

I’m that no good for nothing, neva havin’ shit, bouncing from woman to woman like a carousel type of a guy. Trust me. You don’t even have a chance when I wear my hair in dreads. If you’re dumb enough to fuck with me I’m smart enough to take advantage of your stupidity. I mean kindness, love ❤.  I got mommy issues. Yeah, that’s it.  My mother wasn’t there for me when I was young so why in the hell would I trust you? Nah, I’m leaving you with nothing but a Public Assistance check. Could you buy me some cigarettes babe? My unemployment check is a little late. I’ll pay you back. Well, at least let me hold your EBT card. Oh, by the way, I will be sleeping over for the night but I have to be out before the sun comes up. You know how I do boo; job interview and I just know you’ll understand. Hey, tomorrow we can take your car and go to the movies. I got you on the popcorn, extra butta just how you like it.

A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

One more thing my mother been trippin’ lately and placed me in a peculiar position. I can’t believe this. Her Canal Street costume jewelry wearing must be too tight around her neck. She wants me to relocate; move out. Talking about being ungrateful.  So, I’m looking for someone to replace her. I mean, someone who can come through in the clutch. Someone who’s loyal to me as my understudy. I prefer a young neophyte who can fall in line and know their roll, play their position, stay in their lane and don’t be going through my shit when I’m not home.

I have a penchant for short women. They make me feel like a king. So it’s critical you follow my lead, overstand your place and not disobey any of my request or you’ll walk the city streets with egg on your face. So don’t play yourself, specially when it come to my sexual demands. I loathe the person who has to be reminded their role in the scheme of things.  Just keep your mouth off of my toothbrush because I’m suspicious like that and it ain’t that kind of party. You feel me?  Seriously, that shit is not sexy.  I trust as far as I can see you in my rear view mirror. Make sure you always over communicate. I don’t like surprises. This would be a great time you to take notes and offer me some sympathy sex. I mean, I have no shame to my game, that is. No, but on the real, just don’t play yourself like mom-dukes did.  I need someone who can represent me out in the streets like a proxy. A woman with a better attitude; one that will not sweat me for every little thing. I need a chick. I mean, I need a woman, (yeah, that’s right) that will let me do me; you know watch the game whenever and wherever, have fight parties and come home when I come the phuck home. No surprises, that will only get you canceled (Nino Brown Style).

You only wake up when you’re no longer sitting on cloud 9 and the horse blinders finally fall off. Not until after the sun burst into flames and the stars and moon collide oozing outwardly the ungodly. Don’t pretend you’re not dwelling in the lion’s den for a chance to win at love with a visceral fear of change. Once your feet finally touch the ground firmly and you appear to be wide awake, only then will you be able to truly move forward.

Baby girl, if this is your man then you deserve everything you get in order for you to grow up. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re wiser. You should want more out of life. Upgrade yourself from a boy and introduce yourself to a man. Do you want your son to grow to be this poor excuse of a man? Do you wish this type of this so-called man on top of your precious daughter? Why are you with him? Break the cycle my sweet. Look in the mirror and make the adjustments. The choice is yours. Neva eva give or trust your heart with a person whom is looking for a dinner plate to go. Think about it. Your skin should prickle in horror each and every time he looks at you and smiles.

Let’s pay homage to the pink elephant 🐘 in the room who doesn’t have the courage to be a man. Your fragrance is noticeable. There is no soap invented to wash off your stench. There’s a difference between being confident and being cocky. If you are this man then pest control should be called on your behalf. I know who you are and all you pretend to be, ambling through the park in the dark, on the low. On the real homie, you’re not a man. You’re simply a sad, pathetic, wanna be playboy with a finite ability to achieve next level status.

Now, unfurl your mind and recite these words with me, “A man lives in the present and he accepts responsibility across the board. He takes care of his family internally, externally and he gives back to his community.”

It’s difficult to perform damage control behind you and your type. If this is not you then I am sure you know this dude who is not yet a man. He’s part of the reason why she’s the way that she is, doing it all on her own. She represents the F.T. Cubes of the world. Full time parent, full time job/career and full time student. “Man She’s Fine” To think about it there are women whom aren’t women that fit this build as well. You two are meant for each other. Holla at your boy.

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A Diary of A Single Man: Do You Know Me?

 

 

Harlem, 

 

Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

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