Concierge Confessions: Fat Burger

The camera hovers over the security console of the concierge desk as the phone is on it’s third ring. The camera zooms in tight on a young neophyte on duty whom is seen strutting his stuff across the lobby floor in route to answer the call. 

Concierge Confessions: Fat Burger

Concierge: Thanks for calling High Tower, My name is Bradley, your concierge. How may I assist you?

Resident: Hey Brad, this is Sydney Stern, with the bright orange shirt, from Unit # 1709. We’re at the Braves game and about to head home. I ordered some food from Grub Hub and it may arrive before we get back. Could you hold it for us at the desk? It’s all paid for. 

Concierge:  Hey, Mr. Stern. I remember you. How bold you are to wear egg on your face and to own such a hideous shirt and it’s not even Halloween. Sure! I’ll hold your order for you. I didn’t eat all day. What did you order?

Resident: (Cloud bubble to self… Huh! Unbelievable) Thank you. I think. Uh, French Fries, two Fat Burgers and Teriyaki Chicken. What do you mean, you didn’t eat?

Concierge: OMG! This is so surreal. I love French Fries. They’re the secret panacea for me whenever I’m feeling down and out. I can almost smell them. They’re my favorite. You don’t mind if I help myself to like one or maybe two French Fries? Are you sure you want to leave it with me? I’m just kidding. Lol, no I’m not.

Resident: (Cloud bubble to self… This mother@#$%er) Hey Brad. I’d prefer if you wait until we get home?

Concierge: Well, I guess. I was only going to take a hand full. Although I did get fired for eating my ex-boss’s food and his wife’s food, at my last job. I had a lot on my mind at the time. I mean, it smelt soooooo good. He ordered a fat burger deluxe. You know how fat burger gets down. I just took a small bite or two. Like half. I mean, it was calling me and I don’t know what he’s talking about. I did leave him some. What was I to do? I was hungry and the aroma was sinful. 

Resident: (A faint gasp is heard) A hand full? WTF… Honey get up. (Dial tone)

Concierge: Hello. Mr. Stern are you there? (Concierge hangs up the phone slowly with a puzzling look on his face and says) Damn, I hope the food still comes. There’s something about eating someone else’s food after it’s all paid for. I mean where’s the gratitude? I can’t get in trouble if I say it never arrived. Hmm, the nerve of some people. I’m just sayin’. It’s not like I’m stealing his identity. He didn’t have to be rude about it. 

Concierge Confessions: Fat Burger

From Atlantic Station, to Buckhead, to T.C.P. right down to the homeless shelter around the corner from the Mega Bus station next to Marta’s Civic Center train station. Straight, narrow and fast to the point. From the famous pastor with the smeared pass. To the one who has 17 different permanent key releases for 17 different men (I mean, people). Yeah, that’s it, people.  We’re really not here to judge anyone’s lifestyle but we’re just saying, though. 

  This is a brand new property on the market and in the heart of Midtown, that offers 32 stories of immaculate apartment living, complemented with a dream-list of amenities including a 24/7 concierge, business lounge, tennis court, and 32nd rooftop amenity level with two pools, clubhouse and fitness center.

We will spare you the fluff and would absolutely love the opportunity to get all into your business and talk about you once your back is turned. So let me ruin your credit history, schedule your appointment today to come in for a tour of the building and the apartment home of your dreams which you can’t afford.  

Concierge ConfessionsConcierge Confessions: Fat Burger

Welcome to the greatest show on earth. It’s the new and improved Stepin’ & Fetchit Show (umbrella included). We’ll “Yes sir boss, right away for you Ma’am”, to death with an overkill. We don’t drive Ms. Daisy. We just open her mail and door. Mr. Charlie on the other hand is a different story. He’ll carry your bags, hail you a cab and fetch you a luggage cart. May I carry your packages and run your dry cleaning kind Sir? There’s no need for you to struggle. That’s what I’m here for. Let me wipe off that sweat from your brow, sir. Why not just jump on my back Ma’am, while I carry you and your bags to your door. Allow me to stir your drink for you too. We’ll even blow on your food if it’s too hot.  Just don’t forget to grease my palm at the end of the ride.

We’ll goggle and map quest that location for you. Right away sir. So you don’t have to.  Can I help you with your computer? I can show you how to turn it on. Let me draft that email for you. You rich folks boy I’d tell ya… Ya’ll couldn’t find your ass even if you stuck your finger in the hole. Don’t forget, it’s happy hour from 5pm until 7pm. Then it’s off to Waffle House. Breakfast all day like McDonald’s. Steak, eggs and grits with cheese too. Just like Deny’s but different. Have it your way with a smile, Burger King style. Either way I’ll be inside your unit just to see how the other side of town lives. Don’t worry. I won’t touch anything. I can dream from a distance. So this is what a king size bed feels like. Nice!

From the married ex-football player and Marietta Barbecue Grill restaurant owner who uses his partner’s Midtown condo as his own personal launch pad for the occasional stripper’s visit, I mean jump off. To the bottles of Viagra sold in the fire stairwell. Let’s just say, “Dessert has been served”. Today, we are not going to discuss the basketball player who played for 4 teams in 2013. We just hope this year he will find a place of his own to call home instead of calling different women to sit on his throne. We don’t have a chip on our shoulders, and we’er never disgruntled. It’s mainly about when you’re never as lucky as the guy/gal who lives next door. Why should they have all the fun?

Overall, it is what it is and it is what it could be. For the could be is always someone else reality.

Concierge Confessions: Fat Burger

 The Concierge starts your day off like a great cup of Starbucks coffee with a smile and a “Good Morning”.  Superb Customer Service with a smile we’ll make it worth your while at the price of $220 per night in our resident guest suite. They’ll help with tying the simple neck tie knot to helping a resident or client send out an email. Type and draft a letter better than you ever can. Strapped to our hip is a cell phone ready to special order car service to the airport. We have a driver on speed dial. We see residents in their rare form during on/off peak hours. The Christmas hush fund is never spoken of. From the smell of alcohol to the snitch scent of marijuana. Your secret is good with us. No one has to know why you’re wearing your underwear on the top of your head. I won’t tell anyone they were soaking and dripping wet from playing tag. 

Where was I… Oh, yeah, to the old school Fedora hat gentleman who purchased an entire condo floor of 8 units, busting out the walls and customizing three adjoining units, all to be lived in as one spacious, interesting and dreamy home with a view overlooking Piedmont Park and downtown Atlanta. To the young man who has to pay for his fetish of young spring chicken. 

To the lovely Camaro owner Camille; the jealous girlfriend who hung herself in her ex-boyfriends walk-in closet because he left her for another man. The troubling and strange sounds that can be heard at night on the 25th floor. Why does the elevator button instantly light up without anyone pressing it? Why does the elevator door open and nobody gets on? It’s the ghost of the 25th floor.

The stories that can’t be made up, told and sold. It’s all seen and recorded by private eyes, as it unfolds.

Concierge ConfessionsConcierge Confessions: Fat Burger

Atlanta Midtown, 14th street, the location sells itself. The night life is electric. Everything is in walking distance. From the high-rises to the hotels, the night clubs, to the cobblestone pavement, to the custom Ole English furniture finish leaves the impression which comes across the mind of many that old money has been spent. The condo’s front entrance lobby is huge. Many mistaken it for a upscale hotel. The club room, the media room which seats 15, the library, the echo that can be heard in the spacious fitness center and the 8 chair conference room. To the 6 levels of Penthouse offering, to the 7 unit Tower Suites that give off a townhouse feel to it. 24 hour Concierge service. Key fob and access card is necessary. Just one swipe and your photo, unit #, name, blood type and profile pop-up as you enter the building. The CCTV console captures and records everything in full HD.  

As soon as the visitors arrive they already have made up their minds in how their night is going to end. The view overlooking half of Buckhead and Piedmont Park at night solidifies the deal.

He was molested by his grandfather at the age of 5. He became a young man dating an older man who later infected him. His lover had an addiction for under age boys. His passion was centered around dancing. He had a full scholarship to Alvin Haley school for dance which he declined. He was 14 years old when he was seduced by a man that was 22 years older. He found out about his status on his 18th birthday. The Bentley his boyfriend paid for… The sex change his lover encouraged and endorsed. How he complained about how they cut him too deep. The late night Crying Games that are played. The men that passed through to help pay for the various operations. If only the condo walls could speak it would paint another picture rarely seen. 

Concierge Confessions: Fat Burger

The drunk Uber experience. When the GPS system doesn’t work correctly because the driver didn’t put in the proper zip code. He turns, looks you dead in the eye and has the nerve to ask, “what’s wrong?”


Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

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