A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

Feeling down, tired or worthless?

As the shadows overwhelm the light, self medication may start off as recreational but then it gets real in the battlefield when depression sets in.

We start to depend on the substance before dealing with life and its consequences.

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

–

This one is dedicated to my father. A man I never had gotten the opportunity to know and love. I only met him once and that was after the death of my grandmother. My dad, a petty thief, a dope fiend, a hustler, a avid chess player who shared dirty needles with his pregnant wife infecting her with HIV and infecting my little sister whom I also never met. He lived in a continuous cycle of a revolving door in and out of prison. He and his wife died a horrible and painful death. I’ve often wondered if he aquired the monster while doing time or while running the city streets. 

We all come from something…

I became a isolated homebody. My prison was a viscous cycle battling with depression and the uncertain whereabouts of my daughter whom was taken by her mother; vanishing in broad daylight without a trace at the age of three. My revolving door was centered around unstable relationships; bouncing from one woman to the next. Commonly known as the Mommy Syndrome. I found myself playing chess from can’t see morning to can’t see night. I became bored easily with people and with jobs. I had a soothing way of talking; a hustlers way with words. Enter inside the mind of a Frankenstein. A child doesn’t have to grow-up with their parents to be like them. It’s embedded in our DNA. It’s our responsibility to identify and make the change within; never blaming others for our mistakes and misfortunes.

R.I.P. Dad. I love you. I thank you for giving me life and passing on this inherited talent and gift as a storyteller. I’m forever grateful. A person can’t hate the root and love the tree before its fruit. 

–

(Somber music 

“Sometimes I creep.  It’s mainly at night when I can’t fall asleep. I hear a faint voice in my head which I’m familiar with.

Deep down, I know who it be.  It’s “Ole Girl” standing over me in the middle of the street, with her broken wrist dangling for all to see.

There’s no doubt in my mind it be she, who be callin’ me and won’t let me sleep.” 

Walk with me beloved…

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

(Chorus)

I’m too cool for school.
I have it all under control.
I can’t help myself. It, be callin’ me.
I go crazy when I can’t find it.
My hit.
Where is it?

Flyin’ higher than Delta in the friendly sky.
Walkin’ high, feet never touching the ground,
In this shameless ghetto of a city called, Harlem. 

(Verse 1)

Sometimes, I just lose myself and glide through the clouds like a Boeing 757.

Unemployment & sickness run rampant.
People hangin’ and mopin’ around without a cure.

The sickness. Oh my, to all the sickness.
The natives are becoming restless,
exhausted and strung-out.

(Mother please be there to greet me)

Sleeping in the city streets.
Some never waking up.
Portable housing; life on the iron horse.
Experiencing and missing the ultimate sacrifice.

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

(Verse 2)

Dwelling in the dangerous palace of lights.
Danger lurking on every street corner especially at night.
One day it’s all going to catch up to me.
If I run, if I hide, maybe I’ll have a chance to decide. 

Sacred money makes no money but in retrospect it becomes an afterthought because I don’t have the time to invest.

(Will she find me?)

I’m too stupid to be afraid.
This life is going to consume me.

I can feel it when I hear it.
She, be calling me.

I’m foolish in thinking I can control the urge.

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

(Chorus)

I’m too cool for school.
I have it all under control.
I can’t help myself. It, be callin’ me.
I go crazy when I can’t find it.
My hit.
Where is it? 

Flyin’ higher than Delta in the friendly sky.
Walkin’ high, feet never touching the ground,
In this shameless ghetto of a city called, Harlem.

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

(Verse 3)

Early in the morning,
I’ll do it all over again.
Holding that glass $ick in my hands became my best friend.
As soon as the cloud disappears,
It sucks me back in and then she reappears.

My very faithful girlfriend.
We’re friends til the end.

She just stands there and keep calling until I answer.
At night her sweet voice doesn’t stop tempting me.
All the pain that she bring.
I’m never able to keep nice things.

The pain, oh baby the pain I’m feeling. 

(Verse 4)

I’ve seen nothing but trouble baby.
Nobody but you really understand, me lady.
No, they don’t get it.
So I go to that place where that good ole feelin’ awaits.

Idol worshiping.
Self-destruction in my hands.
I’m hooked my friend,
to the boy who made slaves out of men that worship him.
Women who sell their souls also find their light to be dim.

Please believe me when I tell you.

I’m flyin’ higher than Delta in the friendly sky.
That’s right baby, I’m flyin’ high.

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

(Chorus)

I’m too cool for school.
I have it all under control.
I can’t help myself. It, be callin’ me.
I go crazy when I can’t find it.
My hit.
Where is it?

Flyin’ higher than Delta in the friendly sky.
Walkin’ high, feet never touching the ground,
In this shameless ghetto of a city called, Harlem.

A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

Happy 420…

Welcome to my world.

There’s no turning back.

Hopefully, I’ll see you there, my dear. 

At the same place and at the same time.

Turn on that blue light for me.

You won’t need that red dress tonight.

Inside The Mind Of: A Cloud of Smoke

That’s my girl
This my world
That’s my wife
She’s the important
Structure in my life

That’s all I need in my life
Just peace
No strife
No drama
No bullshit
Just weed as my wife

She totally understands me
She doesn’t get pissed off at me
When I’m playing XBox or PlayStation
She knows that I’m home because
She’s sitting right next to me
She gets me
We understand each other
She compliments my weaknesses
She amplifies my strengths
She offers me food for thought
She doesn’t order selfish meals
She’s always thinking about my pocket instead of turning them inside out

I’m well rested
I can finally breathe
At night
She loves me good
She treats me right
She holds me tight
She don’t be askin’ me fo shyt
She doesn’t pressure me
For simple minded shyt
She strokes my ego
Let’s me put my feet up
She already knows
I don’t need that selfish kind of shyt
She lets me do what I wanta do
Just as long I don’t stay away
From home
I’m totally stress free she lets me be me

She believes in me
She holds me when
I need her
Every day and
especially at night
She speaks softly and rocks me fast
To sleep
She’s there’s in
The morning light
And talks to me
Not at me
She always finds a way and never
Tells me no (well, almost)

She’s beautiful

A slow burn

Like fire dances to a flame

She comes to me when I want

She loves me just the same

There’s a heat between us

Her perfume lights up the room

There’s a power and control my girl delivers there’s no doubt

I just can’t do without

Wrapped in a grape Dutch

Smooth to the taste

Slow burn to the touch

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A Diary of A Single Man: It, Be Calling Me

I use to joke about it when I called weed my girlfriend. She never let me down but was never around if I didn’t have any money. I would say I didn’t need anyone just the weed. She talks to me and understands me like no other. I close out everyone and would be most happy in a cloud of smoke. I would work 2 jobs for her and I’d take the shortcut route home just to touch and rub on her butt. She calls me every day, never complaining about dumb shit. She’s always there for me to help me sleep. I love her and she loves me.

Daddy discovered the hidden needle in the haystack therefore, he never claimed me. For some reason I was never bitter. I knew someday I would understand. He did the best thing ever by giving me life. The rest was up to me to uncover and to discover a better plan. I’m his constant reflection in my mother’s sore eyesight. I can’t do anything to change that. All I can do is be a better man. I just chose a different path in this thing called, life.

Happy 420 to me, my lonely life and my new wife to be.

Harlem, 

Heaven is at the foot of Mother…

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/afterthought/

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/broken/